Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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