u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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