Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
