Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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