I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I died a long time ago.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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