I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
