I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
