If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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