she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
