I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize