Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
