Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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