Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
