if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
