His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
