I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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