Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
