Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
