You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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