oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
