Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
