I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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