i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
