My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
