I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
