U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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