i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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