You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
