don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
