The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
