and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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