also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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