No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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