i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
