Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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