haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
