dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
