Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
