apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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