i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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