i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
