Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
