How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
