Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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