My friends, they love my intelligence
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
