it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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