I wanna bring you to show and tell
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
