omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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