I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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