Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
