The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
