bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
