I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was CRYING into my vagina
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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