I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
