Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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