He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
