I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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