He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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