some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
