I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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