i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize