I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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