Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
