i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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