i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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